The Romulan War Stories: 6 - Missing In Action
by BonesBird
Summary: When Columbia goes missing, Enterprise and Endeavour find her. Once they do, they use the badly damaged ship as a meeting point as they search for two missing trade convoys.
1. Chapter 1

**So, this is the 6th story in the Romulan War series, and I'm really surprised how quickly this is going! I hope you're all enjoying it.**

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_**September 2158**_

Two weeks. _Columbia_ had been a sitting duck for two weeks. Yes their plan had worked, yes they had driven the Romulans from Rigel, and yes they had achieved their mission aims. It had only cost the lives of 6 Starfleet crews, and 15 of her own officers. The damage to her ship was the most extensive she'd ever seen it, despite all the battles and skirmishes they'd been in before, she couldn't remember ever having to spend quite this much time in the bowels of the ship, particularly not tinkering with an EPS junction that could easily fry her if she made the wrong move. That wasn't helping her when it came to handling the tools for a job she was ill-equipped to do. At least she was largely alone at the back of the bridge, meaning that nobody had to hear the Captain's slow drift into insanity as she laid on her back muttering to herself about the job she was doing, and why she was certain she wasn't actually helping the engineering teams even a little. "Shit!" She shouted as she once again dropped the hyperspanner, and this time it hit her square in the face. "Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit." She expanded as she sat up, clutching her cheek where she could feel the bruise beginning to form.

"Care to expand on that Captain?" She looked up, and tried not to grimace as she felt a throb in the side of her face. She clearly wasn't successful, judging by the smirk that crossed her XO's face.

"I just hit myself in the face with a hyperspanner." She motioned to the demon hyperspanner and shook her head, mentally cursing her chief engineer. "Third time it's fallen out of my hand, first time it's hit me. Remind me to never borrow a hyperspanner from Rivers again."

"Of course, anything else?"

"I'm a really bad engineer." She smiled at that one, she'd already been the butt of some gentle teasing from the engineering department about her lack of actual skills in helping, though she recalled crewman Biggs had praised her enthusiasm. That enthusiasm had been beaten out of her probably a week earlier, when how dire their situation was had finally settled on her.

"We already knew that, but all hands are helping." Kalil smiled. Still towering over her, but she didn't really have the energy to stand up. When had she last been off duty? Three days, four? Maybe it was time she took a break to get a few hours sleep. "At least you haven't broken anything extra."

"Thanks for your sympathy. Rivers is going to have my head if this doesn't work." She motioned to the EPS junction she'd been repairing, the one that happened to feed power through to both the science and communication stations, which had been jerry-rigged to a pair of generators so that they were at least functional, not that either communications or sciences had anything to do right now. Kalil looked down at her and gently shook his head.

"You prioritised subspace communications over the Warp drive, which meant the less skilled engineers worked on our engines and power systems."

"I know. OK. Report." She reached up for the PADD he had carried in her direction, and frowning as soon as she saw the front. More names. More of her crew lost to the damn war. He reached for her arm to help her into a standing position and nodded looking at the names.

"Another 4 confirmed missing, Cannock and Wirral in science, Haslingden in security and Trafford, one of the MACOs." She slammed her hands against the situation table, and looked at the still broken display there. Kalil put his hand on her shoulder as she tried to take control of her emotions again. She felt like she'd lost too many officers under her command. After a minute Kalil spoke, clearly trying to bring her attention back to the matter at hand. "There is good news, Sidra thinks we can get a message out within the hour."

"Short or long range?"

"She thinks she can make contact with echo one, if she can, we can hail Starfleet."

She nodded at that. Help may be at hand, and they could bring the parts that _Columbia_ simply didn't have and couldn't manufacture herself, not in the state she was in now. Judging by the importance of Rigel to the war effort, she was certain that they'd be seeing _Enterprise_ before too long , which was exactly what they all needed. "Get working on a general distress call. No details, you know the drill. Just in case we can't get through to Starfleet."

"It's not the first one we've had to send." She had to smile at that. The unfortunate truth of the matter was that _Columbia_ had indeed sent more than her fair share of distress calls since the war had begun. Somehow she always made it through. "Too bad that Commodore Archer's psychic thing of knowing you're in trouble hasn't helped us here." Kalil spoke softly, and she nodded, she'd hoped that he'd have known somehow, too. She knew that he'd be here helping if he knew that _Columbia_ was in trouble, he had never failed. At the distress and defeat in her XOs voice she looked up and this time was the one comforting him.

"Hey, Kalil, we're still breathing, the Romulans aren't, and we saved Rigel." She smiled, thinking of what would be the best way to cheer the commander up. She was missing Jonathan, and she was certain he was probably missing his family too. "We'll get you home to Amsha and the kids soon."

"I know." He nodded, a slight smile growing. She felt a little better, hoping that there was no more bad news, because she still needed to ask if there was anything else. It was the thing she often hated asking, especially if it seemed like the news had been good so far.

"Anything else to report?"

"Chef's got the galley up, and delta team have cleared out the mess hall, we should be able to get back to normal soon." She smiled at that, knowing better than anyone that the mess hall was often the centre of the ship. Far more than Engineering or the Bridge. Everyone gathered in the mess, and it would be a boost to everyone if they had both the mess and communications up and running.

"Normal is relative. Keep working on the sensors, we'll need to know when something is headed our way, and generally I'd like to know if it's ours or theirs."

"I'll get on it, Captain." He nodded and turned away, she stopped him after he took a few steps.

"Call me when Sidra has sent out a distress call, or if we can get through to Starfleet, I haven't slept in a few days, I'd best take some time to sleep before the doctor forcibly removes me from duty." He nodded again and she turned and headed to the turbolift. At least if she was in her quarters she could record her log and pretend she was OK, and pretend that she wasn't losing faith in the war. How could she not, when she was approaching her 100th eulogy?


	2. Chapter 2

_**September 2158**_

Jon sat back in his command chair, his mind still lightyears away. He was thinking about whatever they might have to do over the next few days. When an Admiral told him that things "didn't look pretty" for another ship he automatically started worrying, the fact the ship they had been talking about was Erika's only added to his worry. He also knew that most of his crew felt the same way, because they all had friends on _Columbia_. He had sat down the night before with Lieutenant Hess from Engineering. He had only found out quite recently that she and _Columbia_'s chief engineer were together, Stewart Rivers had always needed someone to calm him down a little, and Sarah was a good choice for that. The two of them had spoken in the mess hall about how worried they were about the other ship.

He was shaken from his reverie a second later as Travis spoke to him, giving him their position, and how close they were to possibly rescuing their friends. "We're approaching Rigel now, sir."

"Jack, start scanning for _Columbia_, she can't have gotten far without warp engines." He turned to the science officer who had taken over after T'Pol's death, while Jack Harper was competent, Jon still missed T'Pol's coolness when it was crunch time.

Only a minute later though, he looked up again with a slight smirk. "I think I have her sir, around half a lightyear away. We can be there in 10 minutes."

"Send the co-ordinates to the helm, Bridge to Engineering." He hit the contact on the arm of the chair, and looked out of the viewscreen as he waited on Trip to answer.

"Tucker here."

"Prep a shuttlepod, we're going visiting _Columbia_ as soon as we're in range."

"Sure." He smiled at the response from his chief engineer, looking over to Malcolm with a nod.

"Malcolm, you have the bridge. Tell Captain Hernandez to expect us." The Brit nodded as he moved toward the centre seat that Jon vacated, looking as at home there as at the tactical station.

The trip to _Columbia_ seemed to take hours longer than the 30 minutes it actually took, almost immediately on docking, Jon could tell that _Columbia_ really was as badly damaged as her exterior had suggested. He shared a look with Trip as they walked through the airlock. At the other end they were greeted by Lieutenant Thayer, who looked disheveled and damaged herself. She stepped forward when she saw them, with a smile larger than Jon would have anticipated.

"Commodore, the Captain would have greeted you herself, but there is a situation she had to deal with first." At the slight avoidance in her tone, he suddenly wondered what Erika had gotten herself into. While he wasn't going to deny that he'd wanted to see her as soon as they'd come aboard, he was happy to know at least that she was definitely alive.

"I hope everything is OK?" Trip asked, not quite as tactful as he probably should have been.

"She's in engineering, told me to escort you both down there, then she'd fill you in. All things considered, sir. It's nice to see some friendly faces."

"You look hurt." Trip said, finally turning his attention from the damaged conduits and bulkheads to the tactical officer who had greeted them.

"I'm fine Trip, just a few bruises." Kiona shrugged off the concern of her friend and started leading the way to engineering. "It's taken nearly two weeks, but Stewart finally got the lights back on." She smiled as they dodged fallen bulkheads and engineers trying to repair them. It looked like it was slow going. He caught up with her, just in time to hear her next thought, one he assumed she didn't mean to utter. "We're still here though, more than can be said of the other ships."

"How is Erika holding up?" He asked, trying to get Kiona's attention again, take her thoughts away from the negativity that she had clearly just been dwelling on.

"She's tired, sir. We all are."

They stepped into engineering, and he felt his heart skip a beat as he heard Erika's response to Stewart, the two stood just inside the door. "So, we actually do need a new reactor?"

"Basically." He responded, then as he met eyes with Trip and Jon his face split into a grin. Jon could almost sense Erika's confusion, and decided to announce his presence, rather than let her turn around and risk his own reaction to her being alive cause him to do something unprofessional.

"Captain."

"Stewart, explain the situation to Jon and Trip, they might be able to come up with a solution in the meantime." She said, sagging back against the pillar beside the warp reactor. Her exhaustion was obvious now he could see her face, and he wondered how many times they were going to have to force one another to sleep before the end of this war. He made the snap decision to pull her away from engineering, confident the two experienced engineers could think of something.

"Actually, I was hoping you could give me a briefing?"

"OK. Talk to Trip, and figure something out." He lead her out of engineering and down the hall, hitting the contact for a turbolift, determined that they were going to have this briefing somewhere private. "Where are you taking me Jon?" she asked a moment later, slipping her pinky finger around his as they stood together.

"Your ready room, or your quarters, somewhere where you can give me this briefing in private, as I don't think it's going to be a good one."

"Not really." She hit the contact for E deck, the decision made that quickly. Only a minute later he was sitting at the chair by her desk while she paced the room, clearly thinking of how she could start this briefing. "You've seen the damage?" She asked, somewhat unnecessarily. He could also see that she had probably only cleared enough of her quarters to be able to sleep.

"Most of it, and this is after almost three weeks of intensive work by your crew?"

"Yeah. I remember _Enterprise_ when she got back from the Expanse, I don't think_ Columbia_ is looking much better right now."

"I would agree there. Casualties?" He asked, almost sure there would be a few, and he hated that. He knew that she was already struggling with the numbers who had died under her command. She had had the dubious honour of passing him for number of casualties a few months earlier, something she had taken to heart.

"8 dead, 6 missing."

"I'm sorry Rike." He muttered, taking hold of her hands this time, knowing that she would likely need that support, even if just for a moment.

"They knew the risks. We all did."

"You're alright?"

"I'm tired, haven't had much chance to sleep the last few weeks." She gave him a very soft smile, and he had to resist the urge to stroke her cheek. He was genuinely worried about her.

"Get some sleep tonight, we'll connect _Enterprise_ up, rotate some engineers in, give your crew time to sleep and eat."

"Thanks Jon."

"That includes her Captain. I expect you to join me for dinner." She grinned at him after that, and he knew that she was going to accept that offer. If only so they could have some time alone where they weren't being officers, where they were being two people in love.

"You have a date. I'm too tired to argue. You want a detailed report?" He nodded and watched her as she began expanding on _Columbia_'s damage. He had never been more impressed by the resilience shown by the NX class. Erika had been right when she'd drawn a parallel between _Columbia_ now and the damage _Enterprise_ had sustained in the Expanse. He actually thought that _Columbia_ might have been a little worse off right now. He knew that _Enterprise_ was likely going to have to tow her sibling the 15 lightyears back to Earth, and he hoped that this was the last time the two ships would need to be towed home.


	3. Chapter 3

_**October 10th, 2158**_

He sat in his ready room, the newly connected signal reminding him that they were waiting. It was something he hated doing, especially when it was so clear that the call was serious. He fought the urge he had to pace, feeling as if Admiral Gardner was studying him through the screen. He took the opportunity to at least get some idea of the content of the call. "What's this about, Admiral?"

Gardner just shook his head, it was clear he wasn't going to give anything away, but Jon had felt like he had to try. "I'd rather wait til Captain Hernandez has arrive Jon, then I won't have to explain twice."

"You know _Columbia_ is in no state to really go anywhere, right?" He had to make sure that the Admiral understood exactly how dire things were for _Columbia_ right now. the extended docking tunnel extended between the two ships was almost like a worst-case-scenario mirror. _Enterprise_ in peak condition, _Columbia_ falling apart.

"The battle reports submitted showed us that much."

"It's worse when you're here, we've powered down her life support outside of critical areas, most of the crew have doubled up with crew on _Enterprise_. We're making do." He made that point, so that Gardner would, hopefully, understand that right now, _Columbia_ couldn't sustain her crew. It would be too dangerous to send them back regardless.

"Good, _Columbia_'s repairs are a high priority." He looked up as the chime sounded, telling him that there was someone at the door. Even though he knew who it was he wanted to wait a moment, put off whatever bad news they were being called with.

"Hold on a second, come in."

Erika looked like she'd probably been climbing around the plasma exhaust. She was covered in smudges and grime, but wore a smile on her face. "Donna said you want to see me, Jon." He nodded toward the screen, and the smile on her face immediately lost its brightness. "Oh, hello Admiral."

"Erika. Take a seat." Jon smiled as she pulled the chair round his desk and sat next to him, her hand resting gently against his leg. He fought the urge to wipe some of the grime from her cheek before he spoke again. "The Admiral wanted to talk to us together."

"I did." Gardner fixed them both with a stare, before hitting a contact on his desk, bringing up a schematic along the side of the screen. "As you're both aware, ECA ships have been making regular supply runs out to Rigel and the other outer trade colonies."

"Yes sir." They said simultaneously, and he felt her hand twitch. They had both made friends on some of the civilian ships, they had been escorting them or passing them on their patrols for years.

"We've lost contact with two of them. Two convoys of 6 ships."

"Is this a repeat of what happened with _Challenger_, sir?" Erika asked, and Jon heard the tightness in her voice. He knew that _Challenger_ was still something that haunted Erika, the 'what-if' scenario she had in her mind whenever their missing sibling was brought up. He knew it all, and that worried him.

"We don't believe so. There have been no sign of debris or distress calls along either of their routes." He shook his head, and looked far older than his years, maybe the war was beginning to wear on him too. The decisions made on Earth would affect everything out here. "The two routes were within our patrol areas, and there was no suspicious activity seen around either route in the days leading up to them dropping out of contact."

"So, where are the missing from?"

"One is missing from near your current position, just outside of Rigellian space, the other is missing from the route back from Coridan." Erika's chin dropped, and he once again had to fight the side of him that loved her to maintain their professionalism for now. He took over the conversation, giving her chance to process the information.

"What were the convoys carrying?"

"The one from Rigel was carrying deuterium, mostly. The one from Coridan was carrying some shipbuilding supplies."

"Both vital to the war effort. Damn." He heard muttered, and judging by Gardner's face, he'd heard her speak, but probably not her words. Jon turned to her and muttered quietly, trying to reassure her as best he could given the relatively public nature of the conversation.

"Rike this wasn't your fault, you couldn't have known."

"I was the ship here, Jon. I thought we'd freed Rigel." She said louder, and this time Gardner spoke, ready to give his orders.

"Captain, we didn't know the ECA had a convoy out there either, Jon's right, this wasn't your fault. What we're planning to do is use _Columbia_ as a staging point. You need repairs, if you stay where you are, _Enterprise_ and _Endeavour_ can use your position as a base for their searches. At least until you're repaired."

"Yes sir. If you're sending _Endeavour_ out to meet us, could you send along a new subspace radio, a few spare plasma injectors and a fresh warp coil?" Erika asked, and Jon was glad to see her at least concentrating again on her ship, rather than continuing to punish herself for decisions she couldn't have made any differently.

"You need that much, Captain?"

"If you ever want _Columbia_ to move again, yes." The sarcasm in her voice made Jon reach between them and take her hand. He knew that tone of voice, when she was feeling pressured or attacked, the level of sarcasm in her voice would raise, and that had tended to land her in hot water throughout her career.

"Alright. I'll add them to _Endeavour_'s lists. Jon, we'd like _Enterprise_ searching as soon as _Columbia_ can sustain her crew."

"Yes Admiral." They both answered, and a second later the screen went dark. He turned to her and studied her, still holding her hand tightly.

"Well. That was a fun conversation."

"_Columbia_ will be up and running again soon, Rike. We'd best go and turn the repair teams efforts to power systems and life support." He shook his head, knowing that would probably still take a few days to work completely. Which was still something, and it meant the two of them could have an actual conversation about the developments during the night.

She considered his suggestion for a minute, then shook her head. "I'll do that. You go sort the science teams out. I'll see you for dinner though, right?" The question didn't really need to be asked. doubling up on Enterprise had included their captains, and nobody had been surprised by her taking residence in his quarters, rather than the guest quarters she could easily have been entitled too.

"My quarters, 21:00." He smiled as she kissed his cheek before walking out. He shook his head, worried about the stress this could cause her. _Columbia_ was not really in a position where she could defend herself, nor keep her crew alive. He had known that Erika's mental state had been slipping for months. Nobody would notice it, and when she was in command she was as sound as she had ever been. But privately, they had spoken a lot about her issues, and his issues. They both knew there was a break coming, but he didn't know how to stop it.


	4. Chapter 4

_**October 24th, 2158**_

It felt good to walk along clean corridors again. That was something she had definitely missed since Enterprise had left. On top of everything else she already missed. The two months Columbia had been stuck in the same position was beginning to weigh on her. James McAteer, the latest NX captain, walked alongside her. His companionable silence reminding her that she had been his superior for the majority of his career. They reached the viewport at the end of the E-deck corridor, and she stopped, looking out at the empty starscape. "When did _Enterprise_ leave?" James asked after a few moments of silence. She turned on the spot and leant against the glass.

"Two days ago. Jonathan still has roughly half my crew aboard, but the senior staff and the engineers are all aboard _Columbia_." She knew that her officers would serve Jon without question, but she missed having them all on her ship. They were her crew, and _Columbia_ felt empty without her officers. "We have a lot of repairs still to make before she can sustain a full crew." She expanded at the slightly confused look James gave her. She couldn't blame him, she didn't think there were many captains who would be happy to leave half their crew on another ship, no matter how close their captains were. After a few more minutes James mirrored her position on the other side of the viewport.

"At least you're still all in one piece. I don't think we could afford to lose another NX ship." He shook his head, and she tried to push the memories of _Challenger_ and _Discovery_ out of her mind, there was one other NX ship that she was curious about, purely by the fact that she was rarely mentioned. The last of the 6 ships.

"What's going on with _Atlantis_?" She asked, hoping that it was nothing too serious, nothing that would stop her being launched. She knew that the 4 NX ships were going to end up being crucial to the rest of the war.

"Same engine trouble _Columbia_ had when she was due to launch."

She tried to remember exactly what the problem with _Columbia_'s engines had been. She'd never been a great engineer, and the technical term slipped her mind. She remembered the conversation she'd had with Rivers and Dax at Jupiter Station once, where they had used the descriptive 'fucked' as a term for the issues, and she'd rarely thought about it past that. "Trip sorted ours out in about three days, I'll ask him to give Utopia a call when _Enterprise_ checks in next."

"How does it feel to be coordinating all this?" James asked a few minutes later, and at that she did have to smile, wondering if he remembered how much she had always enjoyed coordinating things when she'd been a junior officer. She'd always said that was one of the things that had made her a good comms officer. She had an innate need to keep everything running as smoothly as possible.

"I feel like I'm a comm officer again." She laughed and slid her hand into her pocket, suddenly feeling a chill. "I haven't spent this much time thinking out search patterns in easily 5 years. If not longer." James' headshake mirrored her own, and she felt the smirk growing on her cheeks as she thought about it.

"You'll be back to being on the front lines before long. At least you have your defences again." He motioned back in the direction they'd come, she'd told him she needed to stretch her legs, something that had definitely been an issue on_ Columbia_ recently, so they had taken a stroll and briefed one another, now she knew that it was time for her to return, and James was reminding her of that in a soft way.

"When will _Endeavour_ be leaving to join the search?" She asked, taking her first steps back toward the docking berth.

"As soon as we've dropped off all the supplies you need. We're searching in the opposite direction to _Enterprise_."

"You know that it's daily check-ins with me, and a weekly return, right?" She switched from the friendly camaraderie they'd been enjoying since they'd met up, and became the captain of the fleet again. She had the joy of being behind Jon in this one, and she was happy to be his second, but it did keep her outranking, technically, the other Captains. James gave her a funny look before answering her, and she realised that he would have been given those orders by the admiralty before he even left Earth.

"Yes ma'am. I was given the briefing too."

"Sorry. I want to be out there searching too." She put her hand on his arm in a friendly gesture, hoping that he accepted her apology. She knew that he would understand the stress of this moment, and of being stuck still. Or maybe he wouldn't. As far as she was aware, _Endeavour_ hadn't experienced any combat as of yet. He would understand soon enough though, of that she was certain.

"We all do, and when _Columbia_ is fighting fit again I'm sure she will be. Give it time."

"Thanks James. I should get back to my ship." She took a few more steps toward the docking berth where she knew that _Columbia_ was docked, she tried to fight off the minor annoyance that she wouldn't be leaving with _Endeavour_ to search for the missing cargo ships, but failed. Just before she crossed the threshold to _Columbia_, she heard her name called.

"Erika?"

"Yeah?" She turned, looking at James, who was still stood at _Endeavour_'s airlock, looking down the tunnel at her.

"You made the right decision, at Rigel. I just thought you should know that. I'd have made the same one."

"Thanks. I needed to hear that." She smiled, and turned on her heel quicker than she'd expected. Yes, she liked knowing that people had agreed with her decision in the heat of battle, but sometimes that didn't actually make it any better, and it certainly wasn't making her feel any better about the outcome. More than 100 civilians were missing, because she hadn't been able to secure the shipping lanes around Rigel. Maybe she couldn't have seen this coming, but she still felt as if she'd made the wrong decisions. If she'd made the right ones, nobody would have died.


	5. Chapter 5

_**November 20th 2158**_

He groaned as the buzzer sounded once again, and he tore himself away from Erika, trying to ignore her whimper of protest. It was the second time the buzzer had sounded, and she knew that he had to answer it, regardless of her current state of undress. She looked up at him for a second and shook her head. "This better be something important." She glared, and he sat back looking between the door and her for a minute.

"My entire crew knows you're here, Rike. I'm sure it is."

"Let me pull a shirt on." She slid off the bed and disappeared into his bathroom as he got up and hit the contact on the door, standing aside with his arm out as he realised who the unannounced visitor was. The combined look of joy and terror on Trip's face made Jon intensely curious about what news his engineer had brought.

"Not disturbing you, am I?"

"Oh no, not at all." He lied, and was almost certain Trip could see through it, not that it would have mattered, considering Erika's shout only a second later.

"Liar!" She called, and Jon grimaced a little, motioning to the chair for Trip to sit. Trip looked appropriately chastened as he took the seat, but a second later his grin was back, and Jon was sure he hadn't seen a smile like that on Trip's face in a very long time.

"I had to come and tell you right away, Hoshi had the baby." With those words his smile grew impossibly bigger, and Jon clapped him on the shoulder, feeling his own face break into a grin. He was fairly sure that in the bathroom even Erika would have begun smiling at that. Then again, considering her relationship with kids, she might not have done.

"Oh that's great news, so, length, weight?" He asked, not knowing what was healthy and what wasn't, but still feeling like he needed to know.

"20cm long, 4kg. Neela and Phil are going to send pictures as soon as they can."

"Congratulations, Trip."

"Can't really believe it, I'm a dad." He laughed a little awkwardly, and Jon squeezed his shoulder again. Happy to know that at least one person on Enterprise was going to have the chance to raise his family. But that was definitely a discussion for another time. Though the baby topic was one he was careful to avoid at the moment. He could see an opportunity when one was presented though, and this was one of the best opportunities he'd received in months.

"This is an excuse for a party, you should let Kiona know, tell her it's Captains' orders, we'll put off leaving another day to celebrate."

"Thanks Jon." Trip laughed, standing up and shaking his hand once again. The smile still on his face.

"Well done Trip." Was shouted from the bathroom, and Trip got a questioning look on his face as he looked to the door. Jon just shook his head, indicating that Trip didn't want to know, and he shrugged before replying to the hidden captain.

"Thanks Erika. Sorry."

"No problem at all." She shouted, and sounded half sincere in doing so. A feat that Jon couldn't help but be a little proud of her for, considering he knew how she had been looking forward to their evening together for weeks.

"We'll come up to the mess later. I'm sure Kiona can throw a party together in a couple of hours." He smiled as Trip left, then turned back to Erika's sheepish face looking out the bathroom door. Once she was certain Trip had left she came out and it was obvious that she hadn't taken a shirt with her, explaining why she'd stayed hidden away. "Well, you could have been nicer." He muttered, wrapping his arms around her as she got within touching distance. Determined to try and get back to what they'd been doing before.

"I could also have been more of a pain in the ass, but I wasn't. I was fairly well behaved to say that I haven't seen you for more than 15 minutes in a month." She grinned and kissed the end of his nose. He laughed at the look of innocence on her face, wondering how she could still pull that off after almost 20 years.

"Withdrawal symptoms, huh?"

"Maybe a little. I also forgot my shirt." She pointed to the head of the bed, where most of her uniform was heaped against the headboard.

"I can see that, here. We really should go and celebrate with the crews." He muttered before kissing her again. Saying one thing and doing the opposite, after a few minutes she stepped back with a grin, grabbing a shirt that was clearly one of his and pulling it on rather than taking the time to search for her own.

"I demand that I get you to myself for at least an hour tonight." She smiled as she pulled her uniform to her and started untangling it.

"Demand?" He asked, a tone that he didn't often have to use when it came to Erika, normally he could tell when she was joking, but right now he didn't have a clue.

"Yep. Demand."

He chose to just shake his head, if he had any say in the matter, she wouldn't be leaving this ship without them at least falling asleep in the same bed again, something they hadn't done since Enterprise had left for it's first search run. He watched her for a second, then looked to the pictures around the room, realising that in the last hour everything had changed. "I can't believe Trip's a dad now."

"It's been coming for ten months Jon."

He shook his head in her direction, fighting the urge to run his fingers through her hair as she'd clearly decided against putting it up. "I know but now the baby is here, and I don't even know what they called her." He pulled his shirt on, and looked up at Erika again, and saw her struggling to restrain herself from laughing.

"That is an issue, considering I know her name."

"How do you kno-" He stopped before he even finished the sentence and dropped his head to his chest. "Hoshi told you."

"She did." Erika grinned, and rather than say anything, she just sat on the bed next to him, doing up the buttons on his shirt for him as he sat trying to figure out the best way to get the information out of her.

"Tell me."

"Nope." She shook her head, and he fixed her with a glare.

"Captain." He tried to sound authoritative, but was almost certain that he failed at it.

"You don't get to 'captain' me when I'm wearing your underwear. You'll find out soon enough." She smiled and pulled her uniform up, and he just watched her another minute before reaching for his own jumpsuit. Celebrating had been his idea, this was just the bit of good news that the two crews had needed, and he hoped that would help improve the morale of everyone for a while, at least _Columbia_ was close to being able to fly again. Though he wasn't going to deny that he'd miss coming back here and stealing Erika away for an hour or so, just to get away from the war in any way they could.


	6. Chapter 6

_**December 17th, 2158**_

She stood on the raised platform at the end of the warp reactor besides Stewart Rivers, looking through the casing at the newly repaired inner workings. She couldn't even guess at the components, but now it didn't look as if there had been a fire inside the inner workings of the ship, and she felt better for that. Half the crew who were aboard the ship were in engineering for this moment, where they learnt if all their repairs had worked, and the reactor was going to work, and they would be able to get going again. "OK, Fire it up." She ordered, watching the smiles grow on the faces of the engineers in her eyeline.

"Step back from the bulkheads, if this doesn't work we could have a few boomers." Stewart called to the room at large, then shot her a grin before he turned the lever on the reactor, and a second later the soft thrum of the engines started. "That is a beautiful sound." He sighed, his shoulders dropping a little with relief.

"Indeed it is." she agreed, squeezing his shoulder, her own nerves fading. They had all known that this attempt could well have destroyed them, but she was glad to hear the reactor, and to now know that he ship was all but functional again.

Stewart took another look through into the reactor then turned to her with a more serious look on his face. "We'll do some diagnostics, and copy some of the new protocols over from _Enterprise_ and _Endeavour_, then we should be ready to go. Within 24 hours we'll be fully operational."

She smiled, nodding before climbing down off the platform and looking up again him again. She had to admit, the engineers had done spectacular work, far beyond the call of duty in the last four months. She had never been prouder of a group of officers. "And because of your superb efforts, we won't even need a trip back to Earth." She smiled, knowing that some had hoped for a trip home for Christmas, but that wasn't going to happen now, they had more important things to be doing. "Well done Stew, I'll be putting you in for a commendation for this, and all your engineers."

"Thanks Captain. I think Kiona wanted to have a party if the reactor was running tonight, see you there?" He asked before she had chance to walk away, she turned round and thought about it a minute. While the idea of a few extra hours sleep had been calling her, a party was what _Columbia_ needed right now, and as the Captain she wouldn't need to stay all night.

"Probably." She nodded, and turned to the door, Kalil falling into step alongside her as she climbed out of the door.

"I'm glad that worked."

"Me too, you have no idea. Hopefully the hapless Captain won't have to try her hand at any more engineering." She smiled, having had her engineering skills put to the test and finding herself lacking. She made a mental note to take a remedial engineering course when she had the chance. She looked to Kalil and saw the teasing grin on his face, knowing what was coming.

"How did you get to Captain when you're as terrible at engineering as you?"

"Thanks for your support, Kalil." She replied sarcastically, he just grinned as they reached a fork, in the corridor, where it was obvious they were going to be going in opposite directions.

"See you at the party tonight?"

"Probably. I have to go report in to Jon, and to Starfleet. Get Kiona to send me the details." He nodded after her as she turned away and dipped into her quarters, feeling the need for a shower and a change of uniform after she'd checked in. She felt like she hadn't been clean in weeks. First she slid into the chair and hit the contact for comms, signalling that she wanted a call put through to _Enterprise_. She might as well get the call she was looking forward to making done, then she would deal with Starfleet, then shower. She was still contemplating her shower when she heard the tone telling her the call was connected, and looked up to seeing Jonathan's face on her monitor.

"Erika. I wasn't expecting a call this early?" He smiled, but she could see the stress on his face, and she wondered what she could do from this distance to help. The skirmishes with the Romulans alongside the search for the convoys was no doubt beginning to get to him.

"We got the engines up again. Thought I'd call you before I reported in to Starfleet. With all the other repairs all but completed, we shouldn't need a trip back to Earth either." She hoped the good news would give him something to look up about, and it seemed to work for a second.

"That's great." He muttered a minute later, and she knew that this wasn't going to be something she could combat over the comm, at least _Enterprise_ would be meeting them tonight. She could try and cheer him up in person, not that she was the best person to cheer anyone up these days.

"Any sign of the convoys?"

"Nothing, no debris, no distress signals, nothing. This is worse than when _Challenger_ went missing. Nobody knows exactly what is going on here." His annoyance was obvious, but she knew that they would figure it out, somehow, before too long, and they'd find the convoys if that was at all possible.

"We'll figure it out Jon. How is Travis doing?" She knew that the ships had been announced, and the next of kins informed over the last few weeks, the confirmation that Travis' families ship was one of those missing had hit him hard two weeks earlier, and she hoped that he was coping.

"He's still off duty, but he's battling his way through it. Noelle Jackson found out her family ship was missing too. She's one of yours, isn't she?"

"Yeah, take her off the roster, _Columbia_'s going to need her staff back soon, and Noelle can take the time if she needs." She sighed, Noelle was one of her rookies, fresh out of STC and still learning the ropes of Starfleet, but she was a good officer, and Erika felt for the girl.

"I'll pass the message on. We should be back at your position in about 15 hours."

"We'll see you then, the 'repairs' party should be in full swing by then." She invited, and he nodded with a smile, well aware that the crew of _Columbia_ used any excuse to have a party.

"Oh, a party too. See you later Rike." She grinned as he sat forward and terminated the call, she sat back a minute, thinking over the last few months. Maybe she was impatient, but she wanted to be going again already. The months of inactivity, of _Columbia_ being left almost derelict in the same position had weighed on her, and getting moving would give her less time to think.


	7. Chapter 7

_**January 17th, 2159**_

He stood up from his command chair and almost prayed that the damage he could see on the ship was cosmetic. He doubt it, but it was a hope he had to hold onto. "Any biosigns?" He looked over to Jack at sciences, hoping that there would be something, anything. 5 months. They'd been searching for these cargo ships for 5 months, and this was the first one they'd found, and the only one that wasn't necessarily destroyed, only because they had the tangible proof that it was there.

"None detected." Jack muttered a minute later, and Jon let out the breath he didn't realise he'd been holding and turned to Malcolm and Trip, both of whom were stood at the tactical console.

"How is the ship holding up?"

"She's as badly damaged as _Columbia_ was a few months ago." Trip said after looking the readings. _Columbia_ was on the verge of destruction, and the only way her crew had survived was because of the dedicated team of engineers, and the determination of her captain. Without those, he was surprised the ship was even intact.

"So even if the crew did survive, they didn't make it long?" He asked, and saw Trip's headshake, clearly thinking along the same lines as him. It wasn't always the easiest thing to accept, but their relative safety on the flagships sometimes made them forget exactly how easy it was to die out here.

"Probably not, they don't have a crew of 20 dedicated engineers on cargo trawlers."

"Alright. Let's go and check it out. EV suits needed?" He asked, and Malcolm nodded, checking his readings again before confirming.

"Probably."

He nodded to the two at the tactical console before standing up and delegating. "Travis, you have the bridge. Jack, keep scanning for uninvited guests."

"Yes sir." Was chorused, but before he had a chance to step away, a small timid voice from the communications console stopped him.

"Captain, shouldn't you check in with _Endeavour_ and _Columbia_ first?"

"When I know what we're looking at, Donna." He smiled at her and stepped into the lift. Not entirely sure what he was expecting. Getting there was definitely the easy part, and once aboard he tried to ignore the clear signs of intrusion, of firefights along the corridors and blood on the bulkheads.

It was harder to ignore when they got to the cargo hold, the bodies of the crew and the children who had lived aboard her just strewn about the room. He closed his eyes and had a silent moment of mourning for them, unable to imagine what they had gone through in their final moments. He returned to _Enterprise_ and knew that he needed to give that briefing, the briefing he dreaded giving. He wanted to check in with Erika and James before he called Starfleet with the confirmation. He told Donna to put calls through to both their sister ships, and route it to his ready room.

He rested his head in his hands until he heard the sound of a connection, he looked up, glad to see that the first face on the screen was Erika's, giving him another few moments he'd need to compose himself. "Jon?" She asked after a few seconds of silence. He looked up at her again and shook his head before speaking.

"Rike. Hi. James will be joining us in a minute. Can you just." He held a finger up, and while he could see the worry written all over her face, she went quiet and continued studying him. She already knew what he was calling to tell them, she could read him well enough for him to know that. A second later the sound of James being connected to the call made him sit up straight and look as if he was in control. While he didn't mind Erika seeing him at his worst, he wasn't sure he was ready for James to know how badly this affected him. "We found the _Conwy_." He stated simply, and while Erika's grimace confirmed she had read him correctly, James looked oddly hopeful.

"How did it look?"

"Carnage, they were as badly damaged as _Columbia_ was back in October. We found all 23 crew in one of the aft cargo bays, along with 5 children, and a newborn." James' countenance grew as horrified as his fellow ship captains, and it didn't take long for the implications to settle on the three of them. This mission had subtly changed. It was no longer search and rescue, it was search and recovery.

"I'm sorry Jon." Erika murmured, and he nodded, another moment of silence falling over the three of them.

"At least we have 23 families we can give some peace too, and we're down to only 11 ships left to find." James said, clearly trying to use his optimism to pick up the other two officers on the call, Jon didn't find it uplifting or enlightening, he just wondered how many death notifications he was going to have to give.

"I think we can safely say they probably didn't make it." He heard, and it took a minute for him to realise he hadn't uttered those words. While they were what he'd been thinking, Erika had been the one to say them, and he was shocked. She normally held onto hope long past anyone else.

"That's a little defeatest, isn't it Erika?" James spoke up, narrowing his eyes a little. "By rights, _Columbia_ shouldn't have survived, but you did."

"We're one of Starfleet's top ships, not a 4 decade old cargo hauler." She growled, and he could see that the news had put her as on edge as it had the others. He knew he needed to intervene soon, or they would end up having yet another argument on the subspace, and somehow he'd be the one in the wrong.

"No need to bicker. There is a lot that we don't know still in this situation. The beacons are turned off, so start scanning for aluminium, as far as I can tell we're the only species that uses it in older style ships."

"Let's hope we can find some more. Hold on a second." James held up a hand and muted his side of the call. That gave him the opportunity to study Erika, who seemed to be looking at him with a similar level of intensity.

"How are you holding up?" She asked, and he suddenly wished he was there to actually be comforted by her. Sometimes being a parsec apart was hard, especially when bad news was all they had.

"I'm alright. Just tired, and sad."

"I can imagine. I'll try and hope for the other ships."

That moment James' line brightened again, and the stressed look of the youngest of the three captains but them all on edge again. "Sorry friends, we've got Romulans on the long range. I'll check in as soon as I can."

"Good luck, James." He called just before the _Endeavour_ captain ended the call.

"Jon, how are you really?" Erika asked a few seconds later, and it was pretty obvious she wasn't going to let him off, she wanted to know he was alright, and he wasn't sure he could reassure her of that. Was anyone alright anymore?

"Sad, angry, stressed, worried, all of the above?"

"Seems like all of us. I guess we should both get back to running our ships. What are you doing with the _Conwy_?"

"Towing her to Rigel, leaving her there til we can take her home." He felt terrible, treating the ship and her crew in such a manner, but there was no way they could get her then 18 lightyears back to Earth right now, it wasn't possible. At least the ship would be safe at Rigel.

"Seems so pointless, doesn't it. We're fighting a war, and neither side even knows where the goalposts are any more, or what we're even fighting about."

"It'll be over soon, Erika. It will be." He tried to lift her spirits, if only to try and combat her depression. He'd seen it coming for months, if not years, and he was sure that her break was coming. Certainly the frown that increased reminded him she wasn't the optimist he'd tried to break 5 years earlier. She was as pained and broken by her position as he had been, but he knew they'd get through it, as soon as this damn war was over.

"We've been saying that for 3 years, Jon."

"I know, but it will. I'll see you soon, we're due to meet at Rigel in a week, right?"

"Yes, we'll be on time." She looked at him a minute then smiled softly "I love you."

"You too." He didn't want to close the channel, so just watched her for a minute until she leant forward and closed off. This find was the last thing any of them had wanted, and secretly, he agreed with Erika. He didn't think there was much chance for the other 11 ships they were searching for, and Starfleet would only give them another month to search, before the NX ships would be needed to get back to planetary defense. He hoped there would be a break before then, especially since it seemed the Romulans were feeling bold again.


	8. Chapter 8

_**February 23rd**_

He stood in his dining room, gathered around the small computer console were Erika and James. All looking at the Admiral on the screen. They had known this was coming, but being pulled off the search was still a kick in the teeth. He was still sure they could probably find something at least, but Starfleet had pulled the plug. While he could tell James was annoyed, much like he himself was, Erika's anger and annoyance was exploding out of her. While she was biting her lip as the Admiral spoke, he wasn't looking forward to her reaction once he finished. "You three have done remarkable work. Juggling the search for the convoy alongside your standard wartime duties, but it's time we face facts. It's been six months. We've only found one ship. It's unlikely that at this point we're going to find anything."

"Wait, so that's it. You're pulling us off?" Erika thundered.

"Erika." He said, Trying to head her off. Instead she span round to face him, the anger in her eyes not surprising him, but still taking him aback slightly.

"No, this is wrong. We know that they are likely being held by the Romulans, nobody should be left in that kind of situation. If there is even a tiny chance we could find them we should keep searching, as long as it takes."

"Erika. Come on." James said, trying to distract her from her diatribe toward the admiral.

"Don't you think you're taking this a little personally, Captain?"

"Anyone who had been taken and held by a hostile force would be the same. We shouldn't leave anyone to the mercy of the Romulans." She snapped, and he could see this getting her in trouble if he didn't find a way to calm her down. He tugged her arm, doing the only thing he could think of.

"Hey, hey." He pulled her away from the sight of the screen and wrapped his arms around her for a second, she didn't even fight him, just took a few deep breaths. While James looked over at them for a second then took over the conversation with the Admiral.

"When will we resume the search, if it will be resumed?"

"After the war. We need all three ships in other places. _Endeavour_ will be sent to guard the rear defences at Proxima, _Columbia_ is recalled to Earth for refit and battle planning, _Enterprise_ is to take a position on the front line near Coridan." Jon nodded at the orders, none of them being particularly surprising, least of all _Columbia_'s return to Earth, but one look at Erika told him she wasn't impressed.

"_Columbia_ is returning to Earth?" Erika asked, a hardness to her tone he hadn't heard before.

"We still need to go over the repairs your ships made, and _Columbia_ is the only ship that hasn't had leave in more than year. You have your orders." Within seconds, Gardner's angry visage faded from the screen. The three Captains' looked between one another, and Jon knew straight away that Erika wasn't done, but whether she'd continue blustering while James was there or not was another matter.

"This is bullshit." Erika growled as she took a few steps away from the screen, only coming to a stop when the table stopped her moving forward any further.

"I agree, but he's right, we have our orders. I'm going to go pass the orders to _Endeavour_. I'll be back in a few minutes." James shared a look with him, and the look told him that he knew his fellow Captains needed a few minutes alone, just to settle Erika down. Everyone in the fleet knew what had happened to her years earlier, but this was the first time she had brought it up herself in years. Jon knew that somewhere, in the back of her mind, it was playing in her thoughts, and that wasn't necessarily healthy. While she had calmed down considerably since he'd pulled her away from a confrontation with the Admiral, he knew that she still wanted to do more.

"Rike-" He started, but she cut him off after only a minute.

"Nobody should be left in that situation. I know, I know that after 6 months we're not going to find anyone alive, but I don't want to give up on them. What if someone had given up on me?"

"You were only missing a week, Rike." He muttered, knowing that point needed to be made. Although he could understand that she felt something for the crews of the freighters, he wanted to remind her that they didn't know for certain why they'd been taken, or if they even had been for the same reasons she had been.

"If it wasn't for you, and for Veronica, I could quite easily have been forgotten. Left to rot on some Orion colony because people gave up searching for me." He saw the slight grimace as Erika remembered their friend. He knew she still missed Veronica, and this kind of reminder was never welcome.

"OK. Stop it." He snapped, losing his temper at her for the first time in years. He could normally hold his patience, but she was being so negative, and the emotions she was bringing up weren't easy for either of them. She was shocked into silence, and he took a deep breath, calming himself down a little, just so he could make his point clearly. "You're right, in some ways people could have given up on you, if you'd been missing this long, but you weren't. You were only missing for a week. And no matter how long you might have been missing I would have never given up on you." He stopped again and dropped to his knees in front of the chair she had collapsed into. "I know this is hard, for all of us. But we have our orders, and it has been 6 months. If the Romulans have them, maybe in whatever peace treaty we get at the end of this war, we can have them given back to us. We just have to go about our duty, and hope for the best."

"When did you become the optimistic one?" She asked, leaning forward and resting her forehead against his. He didn't answer right away, instead let her take a deep breath and calm herself down. When she opened her eyes again he smiled and kissed her gently, smiling as she returned it. "You and optimism never used to mix." She muttered a second later, and he couldn't help but laugh at that.

"Someone kept telling me I needed to be more optimistic." He nodded and pulled her to her feet as James returned. He just nodded in the direction of their friend and they spread the newsfeeds out on the table. All planning for what they needed to do next.


	9. Chapter 9

_**March 8th 2159**_

The room had been full of obvious plans and nothing that would actually help end the war, and Erika was finally getting fed up of it all, but until now she had managed to keep her mouth shut, the only thing she felt she could and should have the right to talk about were the decisions that would directly affect her career, her ship and her crew. That was the part of the security briefing they'd gotten too, and she disagreed with everything that was being said. It showed a complete absence of knowledge about what actually went on out there. "So, the agreement is that we will send the Starfleet ships to try and shore up the lines between Earth and Coridan."

This time, she couldn't stay quiet, while some nodded, she spoke up, and watched as everyone turned to her. "No."

"Captain Hernandez?" Admiral Black asked, glaring at her from his place at the front of the room.

She'd dived in the deep end, now she had to hope she could swim. "Using the most advanced ships in our fleet to patrol a part of space that the Romulans haven't encroached on is the wrong choice. It's the wrong place to use our ships." She knew that she was right. It was a situation she'd discussed several times with Jonathan and James. The three of them knew how to use their ships, and how they were the best to be deployed, but until now, they hadn't had the arena to air their ideas.

"But it's the best way to protect our flank." Admiral Palmieri said from the side, she stood up so that she could see people easier, and that they could see her in the sea of Starfleet officers in the stands to the side. They didn't see the battlefield, not the way she did. She knew beyond doubt that she was right, and she would fight for it now, as far as she could without being escorted out and chased from Starfleet.

"You're wrong. You're not out there every day. You're not the one making the decisions out there. We're the ones out there, and believe me when I say that's the wrong place. We should be used somewhere near the Romulan borders, out past Rigel and to be used to stop any more incursions into our space."

"What would you do, Captain?" Admiral Whetherington asked, the diminutive woman the first one to realise that Erika might actually be on to something. It was as if she could see the Admiral's wheels turning in time with her own ideas.

"I'd mix the fleets up. Assign Andorian and Tellarite ships alongside the Starfleet ships, each group following a different track. Each group on one or another of the Romulan fronts, that would make things easier for all of us, and would guarantee a combined effort."

"Would that be feasible?" Whetherington looked around the table, and Erika was glad to see a lot of the Admiral's nodding or thinking, she wondered if they would take her suggestions seriously, or if it would be written off as being the ravings of a lunatic. There was a possibility it was both.

"We could look into it, not for this set, but the next set of orders at least." Gardner admitted, nodding in time with his words.

"You might have an idea, Captain. We'll look at it. That is the end of business for today. Dismissed." Black said, and before she had chance to escape the room, Gardner had motioned for her to stay where she was. However annoyed she had been, she wasn't stupid enough to ignore a direct order from her superior, and she was certain that he was going to have a lot to say to her. He slid into a rhythm next to her and they both walked slowly to the exit. The minute they were alone in the corridor Gardner spoke, and Erika could hear the barely restrained anger in his voice.

"Erika, next time you're invited to one of these, don't say a single word."

"Admiral, permission to speak freely?" He was already mad, she might as well go for it now. There was no point wasting the opportunity. Gardner pulled her into a side room and looked at her with an annoyed affect. She didn't necessarily blame him, she hadn't been exactly professional today.

"Go ahead." He said after another minute of studying her, and she took a breath, trying to gather her thoughts.

"You were wrong. Very wrong. Because of all of this, because of all the decisions you made, _Columbia_ has been on the edge of destruction twice in a year. _Enterprise_ has been there once. You need to give Jonathan, James and I more freedom with our ships. More freedom to do what is best for our crews, our ships, and Earth."

Sam's eyes narrowed suddenly, and she wondered what he was thinking, what she had said that had pushed him over the edge. But a second later he asked possibly the last question she expected. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. Everyone is asking me that. Why is everyone convinced there is something wrong with me right now?" She frowned, ever since _Columbia_ had been recalled to Earth, people had been treating her as if she was damaged, and that was annoying her now. There was nothing wrong with her. She was just having a little trouble with her job right now, and she'd work through it.

"Erika, I've known you for almost 20 years, and you've never been so close to insubordination as you were today, and last week when _Columbia_ was recalled." She scowled, and Gardner held his hand up, stopping her speaking before he was finished. "I want you to see the psychologist again."

"I don't need therapy, Sam." She growled, using his given name considering he was treating this conversation as if they were friends.

"You don't have a choice, Erika. You're a week away from leaving again, I want at least two visits with the psychologist, and I don't want to hear that you've been back to Jupiter Station until Friday. Take a break."

"I don't need a vacation." She argued, and she didn't. What she needed was for this war to be over, and the only way she could help that would be by being out on the front again. Getting her ship back out there where it was needed. A vacation was the last thing she needed right now.

"Take one anyway. That's an order."

"Fine. I can't be bothered arguing with you." She sighed, and felt completely deflated. Maybe spending a few days with Simon and Maria would remind her at least why she was fighting. She was fighting so that maybe she would have a chance at the future she wanted.

"Good, and on Tuesday, you will take your ship and rejoin _Enterprise_ and _Endeavour_."

"Yes sir." She shook her head, she wasn't exactly impressed at the orders, but by now she knew there was little to no point arguing it. She was just a Captain, and when she was in dock she was the lowest rung, she couldn't influence Starfleet. She didn't possess Jonathan's political influence, and she didn't have the same presence over others as some of her fellow captains. She just needed to get on with her job, and hope they would take her suggestion seriously.


	10. Chapter 10

_**April 10th**_

The meeting hadn't gone entirely to plan, and while he knew that the occasional change in orders was needed, he hadn't expected being called away from the line so soon after their return. _Enterprise_ had just completed a run to Proxima colony, to restock the rest of the fleet, and now they were being removed again barely days after returning. Admiral Gardner looked almost as unhappy at giving the order as Jon was at receiving them. "_Endeavour_ and _Columbia_ can hold the line, you'd only be needed on Deneva for a week." Gardner continued, and it was clear he was trying to settle Jon's nerves, he couldn't guarantee that just being advised that he'd be back at the front in a week was exactly what would settle him.

"We'll leave tomorrow, we're trading some engineers with _Endeavour_ or we'd leave immediately." He muttered, knowing better than to argue, and definitely knowing better than to ask if Starfleet had decided on implementing Erika's plan, the plan he agreed with, and the tactics that had worked for militaries for centuries.

"Good. I have something else I want to talk to you about."

That statement sent a chill down his spine. It was never good to hear someone say they wanted to talk to you, even when it was clear Gardner was dropping his professional attitude for this conversation. Jon wasn't sure if that made him feel better about it or worse. "Oh?" He asked. Knowing that just pretending he'd said nothing wouldn't work.

"Erika." Gardner said, and Jon flopped back onto his chair.

"Oh."

"Has she seemed as 'off' to you as she has to me?" Jon thought over all of his recent interactions with her, and she'd been as normal as she ever was. They'd been as normal as they ever got the chance to be. They'd watched a movie just the night before, and she'd fallen asleep on his shoulder again. When he shook his head, it was obvious Gardner still wasn't finished. "I got her psychological evaluation last week."

"Are you supposed to talk about this with me?" He held his hand up, interrupting the Admiral, he wasn't sure how comfortable he was having something private of Erika's being discussed with him in such a casual way. Gardner's face made it obvious he didn't share those concerns.

"You're her superior officer, direct superior, technically, and you're her NoK and you two are whatever name you've given yourself this year. You have a legitimate need to know. If it helps, the report isn't confidential, Erika signed the agreement."

He dropped his head to his chin and closed his eyes before agreeing. None of that made him feel any better about this, but he couldn't avoid it now, not if Erika had signed the release. "OK."

"She was passed fit for duty, and the psychologist didn't find anything that would stop her performing her duties to the best of her abilities," Jon was about to smile, and say something about his worries being baseless. But Gardner shook his head, and the words died in his throat. "There is a note in the report that Erika shows classic signs of PTSD. She thinks it's been building for years, but that Erika could be building up to a psychological break."

That was something he couldn't imagine. He knew Erika had problems sometimes, but she was over what had happened many years earlier, and while their positions put them in stressful and painful situations, he couldn't see it affecting her that much. "I'm not sure about that, of course she's gone through some-"

"Jon. Nobody is criticising her, and nobody is going to take _Columbia_ away. We're all just worried about her, myself included." Gardner's sigh told Jon that he was honestly struggling to explain the problems, and why he was so worried. "She's made some strange and rash decisions lately, and her reaction to the end of the search for the ECA ships was completely out of character for her."

"She identifies with any possible survivors, anyone who could be being held by the Romulans. She still has flashbacks." He sighed at that admission, as he was certain it wouldn't have been in the psyche reports. He doubted Erika even knew that he knew. She hid it well, but there were things you couldn't hide from the person who shared your bed, and who knew you better than they knew themselves. He knew that she did still suffer from the issues caused when she was held by the Orions, and that occasionally the decisions she'd made as a captain compounded those feelings, but he still refused to believe that it was PTSD. She just struggled sometimes, the same way he did.

Gardner's face confirmed his initial assumption, she hadn't mentioned them to anyone. He doubted she would unless she was pushed into it. That worried him, a little. "She didn't mentioned them."

"Of course not, I'm not even sure she knows that I know. But I spend enough time with her. She doesn't want to think of anyone going through what she went through. Add on all the traumas she's gone through on _Columbia_ since the start of the war." Maybe he was wrong, when he laid it all out, maybe Gardner's concerns were valid. He liked to think he was the one who needed the help, and he did, but maybe she did too. Maybe he'd been blind to what she needed because he didn't want to admit to himself that she was as weak as he was sometimes. "I don't think it's entirely unfair that she has some problems." He admitted, shaking his head and suddenly wishing that he could find her and talk to her about this, but orders would mean he wouldn't get to talk to her in person about this for at least a week.

Gardner just watched him a minute, clearly seeing that Jon needed to gather himself up. The sudden realisation that Gardner was right was crushing on him, and he hated that. He hated that he hadn't seen it himself, and he felt a little like he'd failed her. "Jon, she needs help, and the only person she would accept it from is you. I know you love her, I know she loves you. I know that you two have been together for what, 5 years now?" Jon nodded that was hard to believe, that it had been more than 5 years for the two of them, but Gardner was right. If anyone could help her, it would be him. He needed to change that focus as best he could. Gardner nodded again, and it was clear he thought their business was done now that he'd shared his concerns. "Now I've told you that, I'll let you get back to your duties."

"Thanks for giving me the heads up, Sam."

"Just figure it out Jon. Gardner out." The screen went dark, and Jon sat back, looking up at one of the various pictures of Erika that were dotted around his quarters. The emotional minefield of the previous conversation had reminded him why, sometimes, he needed to step back and focus on something else. He had been so focused on the war, so focused on his own problems, he'd missed her problems, and missed the spiral downward that must have started months ago. If anyone should have noticed it, it should have been him. He was going to have to ask some very serious questions of himself when he had the chance. As it was, he needed to think how he was going to brace this with Erika when he returned from Deneva.


	11. Chapter 11

_**May 17th, 2159**_

The bridge was quieter than usual, or at least it seemed that way to Jon's ears. He wasn't often on watch during gamma shift, but he had wanted to wait up and hear from _Columbia_ if Erika was ever going to actually call him. He'd been waiting a few hours for their nightly call now, but he knew they'd been busy. It seemed like only yesterday he hadn't spoken to her for years, now he couldn't sleep if he didn't see that she was OK. He was about to ask Harley Mayer, the young blonde who was manning the communications console, to wake him when the call from _Columbia_ finally came when she turned to him, a look of worry crossing her face. "I'm picking up a distress call."

"Who from?" He asked, bounding down to stand beside the console, hoping beyond hope that it wasn't one of theirs. Even though he would react the same way regardless of who it was, Starfleet, allied or neutral.

"I can't tell at this range." She hit a few more contacts on her console, but it was clear that whatever was coming up on her screen, it wasn't giving her the answers she needed.

"Slow down. It's not one of ours?" He asked, needing that piece of clarification for his own peace of mind. If Erika had been delayed by the Romulans, it would explain why she was so late in calling.

"It's not a Starfleet frequency, so I can relatively safely say it's not _Endeavour_ or _Columbia_." Harley said, and he let out a breath he hadn't even realised he was holding. He nodded again a second later making the decision straight away. They'd set off for the distress call, and he'd think more about it. If they could help another group who were being attacked by the Romulans, maybe it would lead to more people allying themselves with Earth. Jon wasn't going to deny it, Earth needed all the allies she could get these days.

"That's good, transfer the co-ordinates to the helm, and try and raise me either of the other ships. I'll be in my ready room" He tried to look in control until the door closed, then he let the fatigue win out for a few minutes. He took a breath and collapsed briefly onto the sofa. He knew that he would have to be in control once again when he went back to the bridge. He was just dozing off when the communications system sounded, and he reached above his head for the closest contact. "Archer."

"_Captain Hernandez_ _for you sir_"

"Thanks Harley." He muttered into the comm, and a second later Erika's face filled his screen, and he felt better almost instantly. "Hey."

"Hey yourself," she studied him for a few minutes, and he saw a flash of worry cross her face before she masked it again, as only she could. "Sorry I didn't get chance to call, it's been crazy." She paused again and he tried to look like he was in control, but the worry returned and this time it wasn't masked. "You look like hell."

"I'm sure I've looked worse." He waved her worry off, hoping that she knew he was just deflecting her because they had other things at stake. Things that were always going to matter, and that she really needed to focus on, just like he did.

"Your call sounded urgent?" She prodded a second later when he didn't clarify on anything. He wondered if she had any idea exactly what was going on. He knew she got the same reports he did, but judging by the state of her desk she hadn't read them yet. He wasn't going to lecture her again on that, as it almost always ended in him getting an eye-roll and a sarcastic '_yes sir_' before she did whatever she wanted to do anyway.

"It is, we've picked up a distress signal." He admitted a second later, picking up the PADD in front of him, but before he had a chance to say anything Erika nodded, looking at the PADD that had seemed to magic itself into her hand.

"We have too, I just set a course, we should be there in about an hour. It sounds like a Romulan attack on a Vulcan science convoy." She read off the PADD, and since it seemed _Columbia_ was closer, it probably wasn't all that surprising that she had more details on the incident they would be meeting up at. He was willing to let her take the lead on it, he knew that she could handle anything that was thrown at her. The implications of the Romulans attacking a Vulcan convoy was huge though, and Jon knew that it could turn the war in their favour. He wasn't going to pretend like Starfleet wasn't losing right now, even with the help of the Andorians and the Tellarites.

"So much for keeping the Vulcan's out of the war, huh?" He groaned, but allowed himself a small smile, one that Erika shared with him, and that was the moment he knew that she was on the same page as him. Vulcan couldn't pretend that the galaxy around them weren't at war when Starfleet was saving their ships.

"How long until _Enterprise_ arrives?" Erika asked, a touch of apprehension in her voice, as if she knew that she might be alone facing the Romulans. Not that it was the first time, but considering _Columbia_'s record, he couldn't blame her for being jumpy about it. While he and _Enterprise_ had suffered losses and damages, they hadn't been almost destroyed twice, and lost more than two thirds of their crew at once. If any ship in the fleet deserved a break, it was _Columbia_.

He looked down at his PADD, realising she'd asked him a question, and sitting looking at her would almost certainly be classified as being quite rude. The time to destination flashed in the top corner, and he could see that it wasn't going to take as long as he'd thought, and they'd arrive a little after their sister ship. "A little over an hour 15. That explains how you got more detail than us, you're closer, we could barely hear the call."

"I'm worried Jon, for three years the Vulcan's have kept out of the war, do you think this will convince them to join?" She asked, and it was clear that wasn't all she was worried about, he didn't want to get into her worries again, not right now. Not when they had work to do.

"It's all we can hope, especially considering that Rigel has fallen and they weren't technically part of the war either."

"That's really boosted my confidence." The sarcasm in her voice reminded him that she wasn't in the best of places to hear his negativity, so instead he found himself faking a large smile, and trying to convince not only her, but himself, that he was being truthful.

"Everything will be fine and we'll catch up once we're both at the co-ordinates, be safe."

"Liar, and I always am." Her face lit up a little at his rather halfhearted attempt to allay her fears. He was certain that she saw right through him, but at least she had said she would be safe.

"I love you."

"You too, Jonathan. See you soon." He smiled at her usual goodbye. He had learnt a long time ago that she had her own ways of telling someone she loved them, rarely did she outright use the word. She was getting better at it, though. At least it didn't make her uncomfortable now like it once had. She had learnt that for him, telling her his feelings were sometimes all he could do.

He at least felt bolstered by the quick call, he knew that whatever they were going to be facing they wouldn't be facing it alone, and _Columbia_ wouldn't be alone either. He held gaze with Erika's eyes for another second longer before reaching out and hitting the contact to end the call. He rubbed his face and tried to wake himself up. Maybe he had time to visit the galley and have some extra strength coffee. He'd need something to keep him awake now.


	12. Chapter 12

**I'm sorry for having had such a long time where I didn't post. I'll be honest, I forgot to update! I'm going to try and get this series finished soon. Only a story or two to go!**

* * *

_**May 18th 2159**_

The three highest ranked ship commanders in Starfleet filed out of the briefing hall, and Erika couldn't help but pull her face at the skepticism she could still see and hear in Jonathan's demeanour. It was as if he couldn't believe that, finally, something had fallen right for them. "I'm surprised." He said again, this time leading them into the war room, which was still empty following the council meeting, and probably would stay empty for the foreseeable future until the next segment of business was over.

"Why?" She had to ask, leaning against the empty display table that would, generally, be showing the positions of Earth's fleet. As they were all in dock at the moment, the display didn't need to be active outside of plans, and the three of them had spent a lot of the last few days here planning.

"Did Vulcan just agree to join the war effort?" Jon turned to her and asked, and she just shook her head. Why was he having such a hard time accepting what had happened, especially as it had seemed inevitable.

"That's a surprise, Jon?"

"Isn't it?" He asked again, and this time she turned and shared an incredulous look with James.

"After what happened out near Coridan. We saved their butts." James said, and all Erika could do was nod. It wasn't really a surprise that Vulcan had joined the war effort, considering that _Columbia_ and _Enterprise_ had rescued 10 of their ships from a Romulan raid, and then hotfooted it back to Earth to relay that news to the brass.

"James is right, I think it was inevitable after that."

"OK, you two both might have a point." Jon finally admitted a minute later, stopping his pacing in front of her, and all she could do was look at him with a gentle smirk, she knew what he was going to do, and there was only one thing she could try to do to stop it, and that was to keep him talking.

"Might?"

"You definitely have a point." He said, and pulled her into a hug a second later, causing James to turn round and scoff lightly, shaking his head in the direction of his friends.

"Hey, hey. Not in public you two."

"We're in a closed office, there is nobody here." Jon muttered, just trying to get a rise out of James as he had tried so many times before. It had become something of a ritual when the three of them were together on the ships, but she wasn't so sure that the middle of Starfleet command was the best place to still be playing that game. Not that she was going to pretend she hadn't enjoyed the hug.

"I'm here!" James continued as Jon stepped back with a smug look on his face, and Erika could tell he was about to say something else when another voice spoke from the direction of the door.

"As am I." Admiral Gardner stepped over the threshold, and Erika was unsurprised to see him looking older than the last time she'd seen him, more warn-out.

"Sorry admiral." She muttered as he came into view, Jon slid next to her and put his hand on top of hers on the table, a tiny show of contact, but after their recent discussions privately he knew how hard these meetings were for her, and she was glad he was trying to show her support.

"We've spoken about this. Save it til you're at home. I noticed you two have the same official address now?"

"My brother sold my apartment last year. Seemed easier to just dump my stuff at Jon's than have to buy somewhere else."

"I'm not going to ask." She wondered what part of her statement wasn't clear. He brother had thought she was dead for three months, and he couldn't afford the mortgage payments. She didn't blame him for selling her place. Or maybe it was the fact she hadn't had any intention of buying somewhere else and was instead basically living with Jon. That could raise some eyebrows. He just stared at her a minute longer before he encompassed all three of them in his statements. "I asked you three here to talk about the war plans now that we have the Vulcans on our side."

"The big thing now should be preparing for a battle for Coridan. Their operations would be crucial to the war effort, and we did have a defence agreement with them." Jon said, looking to the Admiral. Erika found herself nodding in agreement, and a quick look to Jon's other side showed that James was also nodding an affirmation.

"Do we really have enough information to go to Coridan?" Gardner asked, and Erika looked to the other two, before speaking.

"We might not have the information, but if we take three battalions of fifteen ships each, we would have plenty of staggered power to take on any Romulan force there." She said, pretty much the plan they'd had anyway, just with a few more ships in each battalion.

"And we have proven time and again that the Romulans aren't great at dealing with staggered attacks." Jon said, turning the table behind them on with a light flick of his wrist.

"Three NX ships, three battalions." James confirmed, moving to the other side of the table.

"James I'd put Shran in to help you, I know you've been out for a year now, but still, you would do well with his guidance. He's been fighting battles longer than the rest of us have been Captains." Jon said, and it suddenly seemed like they'd all forgotten the presence of the Admiral in the room, who walked around the table counter-clockwise to James, stopping opposite Erika and looked down at the display, currently with their last plans on them. Shran was a resource that Erika knew Jon had been exploiting as best he could. Their friendship definitely helping things along.

"You have a point there Jon."

She suddenly had a thought, rather than teaming up two senior officers, they could do so much more. "What about a rear guard, wouldn't it be better for _Endeavour_ to head up a rear guard of say 5 ships, to use as a cleaning up line, and to make sure no Romulans break the ranks."

Jon looked down at her a minute before wrapping an arm round her and squeezing lightly in his usual 'well done' gesture. "That might work even better, think you could do that James?"

"It would be a new way to work, how'd you think of that Erika?"

"Watching Harry Potter with my nieces last night. Don't ask." She shook her head, and she didn't even need to look up to see Jon's smirk.

"Excuse me." Gardner's voice came, and she almost jumped. For a second she had completely forgotten that he was there.

"Sorry Admiral."

"While you three seem to understand each other, and you will be put in charge of the fleet I think that was a given, I do need to remind you that your ships are expendable."

"When aren't they?" She muttered a little bitterly. She felt Jon's arm tense beside her, and then felt him turn to her slightly. She looked up and accepted the gentle rebuke he gave her. "Sorry." She said, not even sure who exactly she was apologising too. It seemed that the Admiral accepted it, as he just looked around the three of them again before stepping away.

"I'll leave it to you three to design the battle plan, you already seem to have a good idea of what you'll need." Erika nodded in the Admirals direction and turned back to the two fellow ship commanders, sliding her hand back into Jonathan's as James pulled up their previous plans onto the table in front of them. She smiled as Jon clasped her hand tighter under the table using his free hand to move things where they needed. She thought back a few years, to when neither of them would have known how to organise a battle plan, now she was throwing out ideas as fast as anyone else, but all she hoped was that soon they would be able to go home and not have to worry about the next battle plan. This war had already gone on for too long.


	13. Chapter 13

_**June 23rd 2159**_

He watched the rest of the captains leave the briefing room on _Enterprise_, leaving him alone with Shran and Erika. The battle discussion had gone exactly as he'd expected, and everyone had agreed with his choice of battalion commanders, aside from the two commanders themselves, it seemed. Once the door was shut again, leaving the three of them in privacy, Shran looked over and shook his head, clearly still at a loss to believe what has been said. "You sure this is what you want, pinkskin."

"I trust you two, and you are the two most senior commanders in the joint fleet besides myself." He looked at Erika for a moment, hoping that she would back him up, but he saw the same look of stunned disbelief in her eyes as he saw in Shran's. "Giving you a battalion each to come in at staggered points seems like a sensible idea to me. You're both good tacticians, you can read the field in front of you. I can't think of any better choices." With that Erika nodded, but he couldn't tell if it was out of agreement or defeat. He'd take it as the former, because if it was the latter he'd almost certainly be hearing about it in private later.

"You aren't bringing a Vulcan in?" Shran asked another minute later, pacing around the room in a way Jon hadn't seen him do before.

"I know they are part of this fleet, but this is their first battle, and I'd feel better having you two there, and the Vulcans understand that."

"Doesn't mean they're going to like that." Erika commented, and he tried not to smile at the hint of sarcasm in her voice. 'like it' was almost certainly going to be the opposite to what the Vulcans would think. But he'd made his decision, and he was going to stick to it.

"No, but I'm not changing my mind just because their feelings are hurt."

"I'm not going to argue with that. I'll go and prepare the _Kumari_."

"I should do the same" Erika said, a second before Shran made it out of the door. Instead Jon reached for her arm and pulled her back. Needing a little time alone with her.

"Just wait a second." He would have begged if he needed too.

"Jon I need to-" He cut her off the second he knew they were alone with the biggest kiss he had ever given her, pulling her in to him as tightly as he could. Within seconds her hands tangled into his hair and he felt her return with as much urgency as he had felt to begin with. He needed this moment of closeness, something to remind her that she wasn't just another captain to him. In this moment, with this battle on the horizon, he knew that there was a possibility he'd never get to do this again. As the minutes stretched he felt the urge to breathe start to become stronger than his urge to keep her with him, a second later he pulled back and took a breath, leaning his forehead against hers as she smiled up at him, licking her lip. "That was unexpected."

"Was it really?" He asked, letting his hands fall to her hips, keeping her tugged close to him, not ready to open the distance. He needed her to know that this was going to work.

"Maybe not."

"Promise me something?" He asked, and in his mind he knew how this was going to go, he'd make her promise to come back, because he knew that she would never willingly break a promise to him. She never had, and never would.

"That depends." She muttered, kissing his cheek before pulling back a little, running her hands along his shoulders and up his neck as she spoke.

"On what?"

"Whether you will promise me something too."

"I feel like we might be wanting the same thing."

"Come home?"

"Exactly." He pulled her into his arms tightly again. Wrapping her against his chest and resting his chin on the top of her head. Feeling safe while he had hold of her, and knowing he would never willingly let any harm come to her.

"Jon. You know I love you right?" She said a few minutes later, lifting her head away from him so she could look in his eyes, he kissed the tip of her nose before replying.

"Of course, we're the kind of people who don't need to say it all the time. I've always known, Rike. I love you too, and we will get through the war, and I promise you we'll have our chance to just be a normal couple. Where we won't have to hide this from everyone." That was his goal. All he wanted out of this was to be able to finally tell everyone that he loved her, that he wanted to spend his entire life with her. Most people knew now, they weren't very good at hiding it, but he would continue trying, until they were in a position where they didn't have to hide any longer.

"I know Jon. OK. I really should go get ready for this."

"Remember you made this promise."

"I'll come back Jon, you need to too." He nodded, pulled her close to him for just one more minute, running his hands along her jaw and trying to memorise this kiss, this moment, everything about it. Once he stepped back he saw her captain's mask slide back on, even as she shared a quick smile with him. "I'll see you when this is all over." She said, giving his hand one last squeeze before she turned out of the room, leaving him alone with his thoughts. Coridan was so close, and such a valuable ally to Earth and her allies, he knew that there was likely to be many casualties during this battle, and they would all fall on his head. He just hoped that neither he nor Erika would be one of them.


	14. Chapter 14

_**July 31st, 2159**_

The room was almost full with captains and commanders, anyone who had survived the battle and taken command of their ships. He was disheartened by the lack of Starfleet uniforms in the room, especially since he knew of one captain, and one ship, who needed to be there before he would be ready to begin. "What are we waiting for, Commodore?" Came the clipped yet still slightly annoyed question from one of the Vulcans, he thought it might have been Sopek, but he couldn't be certain. He shook his head and looked out over everyone, once again just hoping he'd missed Erika's arrival.

But she wasn't there, so he addressed the room at large. "There are still some to arrive, Captain."

"Indeed, are we sure they are coming?" This time it was definitely Sopek, but Jonathan wasn't entirely surprised. He shared a brief look with Captain Hemming, the closest to him at that moment, and her face told him she clearly shared the disdain of the Vulcans impatience.

"I think everyone is coming. I'll go and check, one minute." He ducked out of the room and headed toward the docking ports, taking a gamble as to which one Erika would arrive at, if she was coming. He knew _Columbia_ was in a decent shape, but he hadn't heard from her captain for more than a week, and secretly that terrified him. He heard a port open, and followed the sound. A second later his eyes fell on Erika, clearly injured but determined to do her duty, being supported by her XO.

"Jon." She smiled as her eyes met his. He tried to smile at her, but he was almost certain that it actually came out more as a strangled grimace. He didn't remember her looking this pained when they'd spoken on the comm a couple of weeks earlier, and that worried him even more.

"Hey. Kalil, run ahead to the briefing room, let them know we'll be there in a minute." He tried to smile again, taking over supporting Erika. He watched as Kalil walked ahead, clearly understanding that they needed this moment alone. As soon as the commander was out of earshot he pulled Erika to one side and looked her over. "What are you doing here, Rike. You look awful?"

"Thanks." The sarcasm in her voice told him that she was fully aware of how she looked, but she was also brushing off his concern. He wondered if things were really as easy for her as she was making out to be, or if she was just putting on a brave face. "It's just a couple of broken ribs, they aren't healing so quickly."

"The battle was four weeks ago?"

"This wasn't sustained in the battle. Took a fall making repairs a few days ago." She admitted, and he couldn't help but let a chuckle escape, a sudden flashback to when they were younger, and she'd manage to injure herself whenever something serious was happening, normally by falling over or getting stuck in things. She'd always had the problem of being the smallest in the team, so getting stuck had been a regular occurrence. She elbowed him lightly, he wrapped his arm back around her back and kissed her cheek before they continued on. "I just need a seat. I was fine on the shuttlepod until we docked." he had also heard that complaint before, and he knew that it probably meant she was actually in some serious pain.

"Do you want me to get Phlox to bring some pain meds?" He knew that Phlox would probably demand to take Erika off duty, but if Johanna hadn't seen cause to stop her, he wouldn't let Phlox try it. Maybe he'd best leave calling the Doctor until Erika asked.

"No, I'll manage." After a second and another grimace she looked up at him after clearly thinking it over a little more. "Maybe in a little while. I'll be OK when I'm sat."

"Come on then." He smiled and started walking down the corridor, he knew it wasn't far, but he could only imagine how it felt for Erika, who he could tell was struggling, but he knew that if he tried to tell her to take it easy he'd end up with an earful. She stopped him only metres from the door, and it was obvious she wanted to say something before they were surrounded by people again.

"How many did we lose, Jon? _Columbia_ still hasn't gotten her sensors up, so I can only guess?"

He took a breath before giving her the answer, knowing it would be a blow. "40 ships." Her face fell, and suddenly he wanted to pull her somewhere more private, broken ribs or not, and just hold onto her tightly for a few minutes, but he fought the urge, knowing that they needed to get this briefing done. Then they would have the time for a private decompression. "The majority of them Starfleet. We lost 6 Vulcan ships, 5 Andorian and 1 Tellarite."

"And 28 Starfleet." She muttered, almost breathless with the news.

"We did make up the majority of the force."

"That's not going to be happening any more. We only have 30 ships left." She sounded harsh with those words, and he knew why, he actually agreed with her. Starfleet had lost almost half her force in this one battle, and while they had technically won the battle, they had lost equally as much.

"I know. It's not looking great for us right now."

She sighed and sagged against him, her voice taking on a more personal quality. He no longer heard the captain, and instead heard the voice of the woman he loved. "Let's get this debriefing over with, finally, and then we can set off back to Earth." She smiled a little, looking up at him. "I'm looking forward to a day at home with you and Simon and the girls, hopefully."

"We'll be home soon Rike." He nodded, he also looked forward to spending a day with Erika's family, it always reminded him what they were fighting for. Her nieces were still so young, and he knew that was the easiest way to cheer her up, was to remind her that the moment they got even a days leave they would be going back there.

"I hope you're right, Jonathan." She muttered, letting him kiss her cheek once more before helping her into the briefing room. He recognised the faces turning to them as they walked through, and Erika tried to take more of her own weight, leaving off him a little. But still holding him.

"Captain Hernandez, you appear injured?" Shran was the first one to speak to her, and she turned to him with a smile and shook her head.

"I'm fine Shran, determined to get this over with." Jon sat her in the only chair in the room, position next to where he was going to be stood talking, he rested a hand on her shoulder, knowing that he needed that physical contact, largely because without it, he'd forget that she was there, she was so low below everyone. He knew what was going to be said, but he still wasn't ready to hear it, but that was the issue with war.


	15. Chapter 15

**This is the last chapter in this story. Tune in the next story for the penultimate story in this series. I can't believe we're already up to story seven.**

_**August 15th, 2159**_

A late night call from _Columbia_ was something he normally looked forward to, but he hadn't actually heard from Erika in days, and she hadn't answered his calls when he had been there. Rigel had been harder on _Columbia_ than it had _Enterprise_, and he had just assumed she was busy. Overseeing the repairs. He hoped that maybe this would be a chance to suggest a change of pace, they both had a few days of leave built up. Maybe going climbing again was something they should look into. Let both of them release their emotions, or just be alone together. He wasn't sure which was more important right now.

The face that came on the screen wasn't the one he'd expected. He tried to cover his surprise as he looked to the chronometer. "How can I help you, Kalil?"

The look on _Columbia_'s XOs face told him that this call was coming after days of consideration and confusion. He took a deep breath, and Jon looked at him and hoped that he'd decide to speak sooner or later. After another breath Kalil spoke. "_It's the Captain, sir. I'm worried about her_."

Jon felt his worry begin to rise immediately. Was that the real reason Erika hadn't been taking his calls. "What's wrong with her?"

"_I wouldn't be saying anything, sir, if I didn't know how close the two of you are._" It was plainly obvious that Kalil was unhappy speaking about his commanding officer.

"Of course not. Speak freely commander." Jon told him.

"_She's had years of constant pressure, constantly losing friends and colleagues, I know we all have, but you know how she is. Probably better than me. Unless she's needed somewhere she rarely leaves her quarters. Since we're all in dock for the next few days, I was hoping you would come and talk to her._" Jon nodded along with Kalil, thinking about what would have pushed Erika to this point. In all the years he'd known her she'd never been one to hide away. She'd tried, but he had always pulled her out of it.

"I'll try. She's never been one for hiding herself away."

"_Last conversation we had, she mentioned about how a lot of things were her fault. I don't know what I can do for her._"

That did worry him, she'd always had a thing about blaming herself for things beyond her control. She'd done it while they were on the NX project together, and she still did it now. "Leave it to me, Kalil. I think I know what the problem is. I'll check in with you after I've seen her."

"_Thanks, sir._"

Jon cut off the communication and looked up at the pictures he had on his top shelf, the one of Erika smiling on one of their camping trips drawing his eyes as it always did. He was certain he knew what the problem was, but fixing it was going to be hard. Erika had a tendency to take too much on herself, and he was sure that the horrors of her last few years, in some cases more than he could probably even imagine, were no doubt beginning to weigh on her, and he was unsurprised to hear that while the ship was in drydock getting her repairs, Erika would retreat into herself. He'd heard that was quite common with PTSD sufferers. He made his way over to _Columbia_, certain that nothing pressing was going to happen on _Enterprise_ for a while.

He made it to her cabin without much incident, and pressed on the door contact then knocked when she didn't answer. After another few minutes he pounded on the door again, this time following it with a shout. "Erika, it's me."

"Come in Jon." he heard her mumbling.

Walking in to find her sat in the dark doing nothing but staring out of the viewport. He stepped in and shut the door, sliding onto the chair at her desk and looking at her over the top of his fingers. "Kalil called me, he's worried about you."

She shook her head, still looking out of the viewport, not even turning in his direction. "He doesn't need to be."

"No, because sitting in the dark is completely normal." He almost groaned, already able to tell that she was going to be harder to convince to speak than he'd thought.

"Jonathan-"

"Erika, talk to me." He almost begged.

"There isn't anything to talk about."

"You're lying to me, Rike." He said, he knew her, he knew her tells and what triggered her, and this time she turned to him. He hoped that his flat out accusation was enough to pull her out of it..

"Jon, I just need time to think about things, about the Orions, about the Romulans, about how, sometimes, I wish I'd been in one of those caskets because at least that way maybe another member of the crew I serve would have made it, and another family in some unnamed-" At that he moved over to her and kissed her fiercely. He couldn't listen to her talk about how it would have been better for her to die in one of the attacks, not when that would have broken him. He wasn't sure how he could have coped if she'd been one of the casualties. She responded to his kiss, her hands sliding up his arms as he leant over her.

"I don't care how bad things get, or how guilty you feel, but you should never, ever wish it was you."

"But, I do, Jon."

"I don't. I can't think about not having you around. You are the bright spark on my horizon, Erika Hernandez. I will find you, and I will fight for you wherever you are and in any situation. I've come to help you against the Orions, against the Romulans, even against the Klingons once, and you can be damn sure I'll save you from yourself, somehow."

"I don't deserve to be saved, Jon."

"Yes you do, Rike." He muttered, leaning towards her again and kissing her cheek gently before whispering in her ear, "you've saved me more times than I can count, even when I've done horrific things you've stood by me and made me a better man in the process." He kissed her cheek again before pulling back a little. "I'll stay and talk right now, as long as you want, but before I leave I want you to have seen Johanna, and I want you to talk to her about this depression."

"I'm not-" He fixed her with a look, and she shook her head gently. "OK. I'll speak to her."

"Good."

"Jon, I just feel like-" He settled back on the bunk, wrapping an arm around her, he was glad she opened up. Telling him her worries and fears. He couldn't allay all of them, but he could tell her that no matter what, he would always be glad that she was there, and so were everyone else. She cried, and he felt the walls that had unknowingly built up between them crashing down. Once she'd let it all go she leant up and kissed him hard, then wrapped her arms around him tightly. "Thank you, Jonathan."

"Any time." He muttered, holding her equally as tightly. If that was all he could do for her, then it was all he could do. She settled against him, and she looked more herself than when he'd arrived.

They were both silent a while, before she leant up and kissed him gently before she spoke again. "I love you."

He looked down at her and studied her for a minute, worrying a little about what had happened. "You aren't often the first one to say that, Rike."

She smiled and kissed him again. A small smile spreading across her face reminding him that she had never lied to him, in 20 years, she'd not once lied to him. "It's true though. I do, and I promise I'll see Johanna in the morning." He frowned a little at those words, and was planning to stick to his deal that he would stay with her until she'd seen Johanna.

"If you're not seeing her until the morning, I'm not leaving until the morning." He smiled, kissing the tip of her nose as he spoke.

"Good." He saw the grin spread on her face, and knew immediately what she was getting it. He wasn't going to say no, not after the long months of separation. She slid his uniform off, and he couldn't help but respond to everything. The emotions of the night catching up with them both. He didn't even try to quiet her, as they so often did when they were on one another's ships. More often than not when they'd done this they'd been on _Enterprise_. He hadn't realised how tense he'd been, how much he'd missed the touch of his love.

"I've missed you Rike." He whispered as he rolled off her when they were both completely spent, pulling her into his side tighter. He smiled as she gently kissed his cheek before settling down. He held her close and thought about what he really wanted. The two of them had been in this relationship for 5 years, they had managed to make it through the war together. He wanted to make what they had official. He'd asked her before, when they were first together, but this time he wasn't going to let rank or politics get in the way. "Marry me?"

"What?" She asked, looking at him slightly confused, and extremely surprised.

"Erika. Marry me? Not right now, but after the war, when we're safe. I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. We've been together on and off for the best part of 20 years-" He was surprised when she leant up and kissed him.

"Jon, that was the only way I could think to stop you. Give me chance to answer. Yes, of course I will." He blinked, surprised.

"Really?"

"Yes." She grinned, and then he pulled her close again, kissing her hard. She'd just said that she loved him enough to marry him. Despite all the issues she had, they both had, and all the scars caused by the war and what had come before, they still had each other, and that was what was important.


End file.
